Weddings are Hotter under the Water
Updated: Aug 4, 2020
One of the greatest things about weddings is that they force you to travel to places you might not have traveled to otherwise, right? Wedding adventures have taken me to Lynchburg, Virginia, to Portland, Maine, and to Leonard Lake in California's Mendocino County. I made my poor family and friends travel to Paris for my wedding. I wasn't expecting many people to RSVP "yes" to our invitation, but a whole bunch of people ended up making the trip with us, and they all said, "This is a great excuse to take a trip to Paris."
This year's wedding season has been very good to me. I am headed to Westcliffe, Colorado for a wedding this weekend. I polka'ed at Terrain, Urban Outfitter's Chester County nursery, in July, and in October we'll get to explore Bryn Mawr's campus when Rachel's dear friend Natalie gets married. The season started, however, over Memorial Day weekend when my glorious cousin Adrienne got married to a pirate named Dan. Their wedding took us to Wilmington, North Carolina. Not just anywhere in Wilmington, though. Their wedding was inside the North Carolina Aquarium at Fort Fisher.
Guys, their wedding was in a goddamn aquarium. I sort of feel like we need to stop going to weddings now because we've reached the pinnacle of awesome.*
*We will not stop going to weddings, and all the weddings we went to this year were stunning and fun.
Not convinced by the Age of Aquarium yet? That's not surprising since I have not told you anything about their wedding, yet. Circle back to me once you have read
Queer Martha's Top 10 Reasons
to Have Your Next Wedding in an Aquarium
1.) There are fish behind you when you are saying your vows. You might wonder why you want fish behind you when you are saying your vows. You will probably say something in your vows about staying with your marriage-buddy through thick and thin, in richer and in poorer, etc. Fish swim in schools. They stick together even when the going gets tough because it's all they know how to do. Fish are totally poor and they still stick together. It's pretty much the best metaphor you can get swimming behind you during your vows. Unless you can get a loon to swim behind you. Loons mate for life. They value their independence and split up during the winter migration, but they always return to the same lake to meet their mate in the spring. We should all be so lucky as to have a loon marriage. But that is neither here nor there.
2.) During wedding downtime (like when you are getting your photos taken), your guests can explore an actual aquarium! Here Rachel and Lindsey learn about a coral.
3.) Spectacular photo-ops. Your guests can take selfies with nesting sea turtles. This alone should be reason enough to have your next wedding in an aquarium.
4.) Your cocktail hour can take place in a coastal forest! Most aquariums have these habitat rooms, it seems. You know what is better than hanging out with a bald eagle? Hanging out with a bald eagle with a cocktail in hand.
5.) Your dinner can take place in a room called, "The Ocean Gallery." That is just freaking awesome. It was really hard to take a photo in this light, so I stole a photo from Adrienne and Dan's photographer. It was just beautiful.
Bonus points if you serve fish for dinner in the Ocean Gallery.
6.) THIS CAN BE YOUR CAKE!!!!!!!
7.) You can have a hurricane simulator at your wedding. Who needs a fucking photobooth when you have a hurricane simulator???
8.) Group photos can include backdrops such as "shark jaws..."
...and "Tyrannosaurus Rex." Ugh, this is so cool.
9.) The band can set up in front of a gigantic fish tank. Music sounds betting in front of giant fish tanks, you know. That's science.
10.) Your guests look good when they dance in front of fish tanks because fish make people happy, and we are beautiful when we are happy.
I look forward to many more aquarium weddings in my future! Congratulations, Adrienne and Dan!