#Party

Lizzie Hessek

Dec 31, 2018
6 min

What's New? : a How-To Guide

Does anyone actually, enthusiastically, genuinely enjoy a party? Are there any true, honest-to-goodness extroverts out there who thrive in places buzzing with small talk? I have my suspicions that these people don’t exist – or, that they are the extreme minority – and we’re all just milling about get-togethers trying to drink our dread away. It’s a dread that stems from the anticipation of having to answer the only question that gets asked over and over again in Hell: “What’s

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The Eclade de Moules, or the most dramatic way to cook mussels.

Lizzie Hessek

Aug 22, 2018
5 min

The Eclade de Moules, or the most dramatic way to cook mussels.

I love mussels. I love most shellfish, in fact. Scallops, oysters, lobsters, clams... if you have a hard shell and a soft body, I probably want to eat you. This is maybe true about the humans I like, too. The harder it is to get to know you, the more I will probably like you. It must be because my brother is a Cancer and I adore him. Or maybe because my mother grew up on a lake that had a fundraising clambake at the fire hall every year. I don't know what the root is, but she

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Lizzie Hessek

May 12, 2017
2 min

Today is an Important Day

Rachel and I aren't super good at getting our shit together enough to send out greeting cards at the end of the year. Every year we would get really motivated to seem like adult people to our family and friends and we would decide that this was the year we would send out end-of-year cards with our names on them. Make no plans, my friends. Despite our motivation and our words of encouragement to each other, year after year December slipped into January without a single greetin

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Lizzie Hessek

Dec 23, 2016
3 min

Christmas in the North Pole!

Are you looking for a quirky theme for your Christmas dinner? Perhaps a last-minute effort to spice up your holiday? Have you run through the fun decade-themed holiday menus (Victorian, mid-century, Star Wars)? Do you want a very good excuse to wear your fuzzy Santa slipper socks to a formal dinner? Then you should think about hosting Christmas in the North Pole! The idea for this Christmas dinner came from the desire to have a party that was a little goofy and required less

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Lizzie Hessek

Nov 28, 2016
5 min

Ways to Toast for Teetotaling Hosts

The holidays are upon us! We've waited all year, and they are finally here. I cannot express how gleeful I am. Rachel and I spent our Friday date night wandering around Philadelphia's Christmas Market, we'll be getting our tree next weekend, and last night my high school friends and I had our annual boozey-cookie making party. Everything is awesome. As Christmas approaches like an adorable fuzzy forest creature that you desperately want to cuddle, you might start stressing ab

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Lizzie Hessek

Oct 1, 2016
4 min

A Rainbow Potluck Birthday

Hi everyone! Guess what. My birthday just happened! And it was awesome. I was not expecting my birthday to be awesome. Here's the thing. Since I turn 15, I have had fantastic birthday every other year. The in between year birthdays have, on the contrary, been the pits. It's no one's fault. It's just a thing. Last year I had an amazing birthday. I through a black and white dinner party with black and white foods, black and white decor, and I forced my friends to wear black and

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Lizzie Hessek

Aug 27, 2016
5 min

The Art of Table Setting (circa 1968)

The greatest gift ever has entered my life. Friends, let me introduce you to the most intelligently written and thought-provoking book I have ever had the good fortune to hold between my hands: New Trends in Table Settings... and Period Designs, Too by the one-and-only Mrs. Lucy Staley. Tony, my dear friend and colleague (and co-collaborator on a soon-to-be YouTube runaway hit - we haven't started this yet. Details are forthcoming), gave me this book after he spotted it in hi

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How to Throw a Killer International Family Reunion

Lizzie Hessek

Aug 16, 2016
7 min

How to Throw a Killer International Family Reunion

My father's mother has always been something of a legend in my life. She died when I was about two years old, and I have no memory of her. What I do know about her is that my grandfather used to take over the shuffleboard table at the bar so that she could dance on top of it. I know that she once held my grandfather by his ankles out of a second story window after he came home drunk and wouldn't bring him back in until he promised never to come home drunk again. She had eight

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Lizzie Hessek

Aug 3, 2016
3 min

Weddings are Hotter under the Water

One of the greatest things about weddings is that they force you to travel to places you might not have traveled to otherwise, right? Wedding adventures have taken me to Lynchburg, Virginia, to Portland, Maine, and to Leonard Lake in California's Mendocino County. I made my poor family and friends travel to Paris for my wedding. I wasn't expecting many people to RSVP "yes" to our invitation, but a whole bunch of people ended up making the trip with us, and they all said, "Thi

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Lizzie Hessek

Jun 22, 2016
5 min

The Decade Dinner Party

My beautiful mama turned 60 last month, and the only thing she asked for was a dinner at home with her family. She asked Rachel and me to cook. Now, you can say a lot of things about Rachel and me. Two of those things are that we never turn down an invitation to throw a party, and we just can’t help but give the party a theme. We wanted to give this party a theme that would ring in this milestone decade by celebrating everything that happened in the last decade of my mom's li

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Baking & Beer | 3 Ingredient Foolproof Crêpes!

Lizzie Hessek

Feb 7, 2016
5 min

Baking & Beer | 3 Ingredient Foolproof Crêpes!

Hello and welcome back to Baking & Beer! In this post we are going to demystify crêpes! Let me tell you some of the ways that crêpes are awesome: 1.) They are delicious in both their savory and sweet forms. 2.) They are easy and cheap to make. 3.) They can be made for dinner for one or you can have a whole crêpe party! Indeed, crêpe parties are fun, easy, and universally loved. To make your party prep even easier, the crêpe recipe that I am about to reveal to you can easily g

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Queer Martha's Queer Ideas for Celebrating Valentine's Day

Lizzie Hessek

Feb 3, 2016
8 min

Queer Martha's Queer Ideas for Celebrating Valentine's Day

Happy February everyone! We made it 1/12 of the way through 2016, and I am proud of us. Of course, as soon as February enters our field of vision, everything around us turns pink, white, and red. Yes, it is Valentine's Month again, and there is nothing you can do about it. I actually really like the concept of Valentine's Day. It is in the same boat with Mother's Day and Father's Day for me - sure, you should be celebrating your mother and father all year long, but it is nice

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Lizzie Hessek

Jan 12, 2016
3 min

The Greatest Food Bar of All

I'm not going to keep you guessing. It's a meatball bar. I am a big fan of food bars at parties. I like the variety, the you-do-you mentality. When I was little I didn't even know that Wendy's served hamburgers because I was so into their salad bar. I didn't eat anything at the salad bar except those little ham cubes and vanilla pudding, but that was what was so magical about the salad bar - I didn't have to! I did me! I have not been back to Wendy's since the demise of the s

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Lizzie Hessek

Jan 1, 2016
3 min

Winter Doldrums be Damned

At the end of today, the holidays are pretty much over. I say "pretty much" because technically Christmas lasts until the 6th of January when the three kings finally get to Jesus and the Epiphany happens. A quick question about this - were Mary, Joseph, and Jesus just, like... hanging out in a stable that whole time? I feel like they could have sorted something a little more comfortable out over the first 12 days of Christmas. Unless maybe there was some mommy blogger in Jude

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Foolproof Way to Spread Holiday Cheer: Gambling!

Lizzie Hessek

Dec 23, 2015
3 min

Foolproof Way to Spread Holiday Cheer: Gambling!

In this post we will also address family-friendly ways to celebrate Christmas together such as gambling and playing with fire. Since I was a wee queer Martha living in Allentown, Pennsylvania, my family's major holiday tradition was to have a big Christmas dinner with our family friends. The weekend before Christmas we always celebrated with our neighborhood family. The blood family we spent Christmas with would change every year, but you could always count on getting togethe

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It's True. All of It: Star Wars Party Part 2

Lizzie Hessek

Dec 17, 2015
6 min

It's True. All of It: Star Wars Party Part 2

Not sure if you have all heard, but there is a new movie that was just released about robots and heros with laser swords that is rumored to be doing well in the box offices. Actually, the movie was released yesterday in France, and Air France had a promomotion going to take advantage of France's one-day lead on the US: buy a New York - Paris direct flight on December 16, Air France throws in a ticket to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens for free! So ingenious, those Frenchers.

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Lizzie Hessek

Dec 10, 2015
2 min

Star Wars Party: Part 1 of 2

As some of you might know, there is a new Star Wars episode coming to theatres this month. Tell you what, though. Rachel and I did not know that last year when we decided to make this year's holiday theme "Christmas in Tatooine." I am actually pretty sure that our Christmas theme is what inspired Episode 7 to be released this year, so you are welcome. I had not actually really seen Star Wars until... last week. Christmas in Tatooine was Rachel's brain baby, but I'm such a su

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Motherfucking Gourd Party: Fait Accompli

Lizzie Hessek

Nov 30, 2015
3 min

Motherfucking Gourd Party: Fait Accompli

As we prance gleefully into the Christmas season and don our gay apparel, it is so easy to forget how enthusiastically we embraced the onslaught of pumpkin spice and decorative gourds only two months ago. How quickly the orange and yellow subsides to green and red.... Lest we forget too quickly, Queer Martha is here to remind you of the good ol' days - back in October and November - when you couldn't walk through your dining room without being whacked in the head by a motherf

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Lizzie Hessek

Nov 9, 2015
3 min

Midcentury Christmas Dinner

A couple of years ago Rachel and I decided that we wanted to start having proper dinner parties. Not just parties where you invite all your friends and put out a spread and a punch bowl (though we love those parties, too), but straight up dinner parties with place cards and china and water glasses. A party at which everyone can fit around the dinner table. A dinner with several courses and a ceremonial carving of an animal. We figured there was no better time to host this typ

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Lizzie Hessek

Nov 4, 2015
2 min

Black and White Birthday

An added bonus to getting married is that you suddenly have all these new photos of you looking fly to use for funny invitations. I turned 27 this year. Yes, I am sure you realized by now, I am year of the Dragon. I've always liked being born on September 18. It's mathematically pleasing to me. It all adds up to 8 - 9/18/1988. So good. The idea for a black and white dinner party occured to me when I saw some squid ink pasta at Seasons in Bethlehem. The idea evolved pretty qui

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